safe and sound...

theres beauty in release...
so just let go and breathe
of all that will ever be








Maybe this is forever
Forever fades away
Like a rocket ascending into space
Could you not be sad
Could you not break down
After all I won't let go o

[CHORUS:]
Until you're safe and sound
Until you're safe and sound

There's beauty in release
There's no one left to please
But you and me o I don't blame you for quitting
I know you really tried
If only you could hang on through the night
I don't want to be lonely
I don't want to be scared
All our friends are waiting there

[CHORUS]

Feel like I could've held on
Feel like I could've let go
Feel like I could've helped you
Feel like I could've changed you
Feel like I could've held you
Feel like I could've hurt you
Feel like I was a stranger
Feel like I was an angel
Feel like I was a hero
Feel like I was a zero
Feel like I could have changed you
Feel like I could have healed you
Feel like I could have saved you
Feel like I should've heard you
Feel like I could have moved you
Feel like I could have changed you
Feel like I could have healed you
Feel like I should've told you
Feel like I could have loved you
Feel like I could have loved you
Feel like I could have loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I could've saved you
Feel like I could've saved you
Feel like I could've saved you.


do you ever feel
sad?
blue?
alone?
hopeless?
do you feel as if someone should
hold you
change you?
heal you?
love you?
save you?

if beauty is release...
and to release is true beauty
if you hold on
are you ugly inside?
tortured?
broken?
will you ever be saved?
ever be loved?
if you cant love yourself
how will any one else love you?
what if you dont want to love?
what if you dont want to be loved?
what if all the times you are going to be loved...
ends up in failure?
and pain...
heartache
and tragedy?
how will you ever live with yourself?
dont they know?
will they ever know?
i dont think anyone will
im not sure anymore
if anyone will want to know
want to care
to take time out
and let you be



beautiful...

Released...

from all the pain you endure...
from others...

and mostly yourself



you are your own worst enemy




and what a better enemy than the one who knows you the best...




will i ever be safe and sound?

waiting...

i know its getting closer
i can feel it
war can only stay silent so long
i know its happening soon
i can sense it
peace wont last so long...
im not meant to be saved
by any mortal flesh at least
i feel as though im not meant to be happy
those feelings are deceased
i feel like anger is closing in
and pain will overwhelm me
im choking on the air i breathe
i feel just like im drowning...
waiting for someone to explode
im waiting on the edge
for someone to just push me
off my lingering ledge
my life is not a perfect one
i wont even say its good
i feel my words are futile
not like normal feelings should
sometimes i feel my only feelings
are of misery and pain
i know this isnt helpful
and nothing here i gain
my past is ever haunting me
overseeing all i do
people i meet and things i say
its sad i know but true...
so though this is still my life
i know the war will come
and when it does ill be right here
just see what ive become...

on the edge...

do you ever feel like youre on the edge?
but not sure of whats the edge?
like youre falling off something
but dont know how far?
always inching closer and closer...
till you just cant take it anymore?
do you jump?
hold on for dear life?
what do you do?
the world in which you live in
seems so far away
you feel like someones pushing you...
closer to the edge...
and when you get there
you get a final push...
just to have your shirt grabed the last second...
will they save you?
or just let you go?


who knows?

do you ever feel empty?
like its not really you...
do you ever feel hollow
a shell covering you?
like your life is always
an out of body event
like the body you own
isnt yours... you just rent
do you ever feel angry
just because its what you know?
do you ever feel bad
when you let your emotions show?
do you just apologize
to make them go away
you just say your sorry
and hope you obey?
do you ever feel chained
though nothings holding you back
do you truly want... the courage you lack?
are you doomed for eternity
in this hole of your own...
or just write this poetry
to hear your soul groan...

so i feel empty inside and im not sure what to do... and i feel as if there is nothing inside of me... its like im living a life thats not my own... im here to supervise and i over see the things going on... but this isnt really me. not really my body or my soul... its someone elses it has to be. i had such high hopes for myself... and this failure well its just not me... im not a failure i cant be right?
sometimes i just want to stay in bed all day... just leave me be...
im so broken... i feel broken... like im falling apart... inside and out... and i dont know if ill ever be fixed. i wish the things that are in my past would have never reminded me of the things ive never done... i wish they would stop harrassing me of the things i dont think ill ever be able to do... i wish the thoughts would go away... and just leave me be... i hate to be awake sometimes and now my slumber has gotten to this point again to which i am afraid to sleep... i dont know why i am ranting here... sorry

I love you war...

ok so here is how this war gets started...
grab an adorable small child... such as... annie...
dialogue...
annie guess what...
(annie) what?
I love you...
(annie) i love you more
I love you more than that...
(annie) well i love you more than that
I love you the most
(annie) well i love you the mostest more than that
well... i love you times two
(annie) i love you times two plus seven
WELL i love you time two plus seven times 12
(annie) i love you times two plus seven times 12 time... 900
wow... thats a big number... i love you times infinity
(annie) UGH i love you times infinity and beyond
wow... i love you times infinity and beyond times two... and a half
(annie) i love you to infinity and beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond... ( after a while it takes forever and i loose count on how many beyonds she has made it to...)

anyway this goes on for about oh i dont know 45 min... in which tym and matt decide to join in...
in which we are all saying that we love each other more than the last person...
it takes a long time and i dont really know who wins each round... but in the end everyone feels very much loved and there are new numbers we have never heard of...


moral of the story

love and hate are like wildfires
which one do you want to help burn faster?

if a person is burning and you say one cruel thing to them you can loose them forever. they will go up in smoke...
if someone is burning and you say one small i love you... im here for you... i need you as much as you need me... it can be enough to save their life... enough to make them want to live another day... enough to just make them smile...

its enough to change their view on life... on living... on happiness... on God...

God loved us so much he gave his only kid so that we can live through infinity and beyond...

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16


now thats love...

Dont mess with me... I make your coffee...

ok... so work is a little stressful sometimes and its partially due to some customers... but its ok... thats what im here for... to help you... in which is helping me...

For those of you who dont know i work at a place many need in order to survive...

STARBUCKS...

so... after many mishaps ive decided to post this to help you... lets begin...

PRONUNCIATIONS...

Frappuccino... frap-uh-chino
NOT frappe, fraperchiner, frozen thing, is that cold?

Latte... la-tay
NOT luh te

americano... a-mer-ih-cah-no
NOT ameriCINo

and last... MY FAVORITE

(sigh)

Macchiatto
yes i understand this may seem like a difficult word... thats fine... but really some of these are just ridiculous...

Macchiatto ... Ma-ke-ah-toe

NOT mariachhi, marachino, MACHETE OTTO ( i dont want to drink a weapon sorry) muh muh muh...

sigh... NEXT!!!

a little lesson on cappucinos
a cappucino is half foam...
NO your cup is not empty its light...and perfect... GOSH
A LATTE is heavy...
if you want that stuff at the gas station why are you wasting your time and money...
NO im not bashing gas station coffee...i like it... especially the vanilla one...
but no thats not what i serve here... i serve delectably roasted espresso with hints of carmel with lucious frothy foam... firm and perfect enough to balance a quarter on... ( and yes i can balance a quarter on my foam)
That is what i serve...

NEXT
Ways to please your barista...

Please for the love of all that is good in this world... dont say latte after mocha.. its just annoying... ( mocha latte... white mocha latte... NO)

if you order a black coffe...
dont complain later its to black... if you want cream...ill give you some thats what im here for :)

please speak up in the speaker... its very difficult to hear you especcially if there is blenders and a coffe grinder going on...

if its raining... (sigh)
if its raining PLEASE turn off your wipers... not only do i have to strain to hear you through our now soaked speaker but then while you are in the comfort of your car i am getting splashed in the face with your wiper water...

to you late comer at the end of the night please know what you want... if not... let me help you decide... i know my coffee... tell me three things hot or cold? sweet or strong? name flavors you like... here is a list...
i am good at my job... nine times out of ten i will get what you like...

to those we ask to wait in the drive through...if you do ... THANK YOU you save our lives...to those to yell out your order... sigh... you get decaf...
there probably is an irate customer in the front who hasnt gotten his caffine yet...

PLEASE GET OFF YOUR PHONE i dont want to hear about so-and-sos new bf... i just want to know how i can make your day a little more amazing by the joy of caffine...

sigh...
is anyone still reading this? ha good for you...

we are your baristas...you order a quad venti nonfat no whip no foam vanilla latte...
make us mad we give you decaf quad venti breve no whip ninja foam sugar free latte...
HA ( not me i just work here...lol but ive seen it done...)

so please...if you see us having a bad day... we are human just like you... we have bad days to just smile say thanks and we will be good... ( and tips help to!!! HAHAHA sorry had to throw it in there...) im kidding...


HA so thats all for now... all my barista ranting and raving...peace out yo...

haunted gas stations and ways home...

i have a slightly dysfunctional problem with directons... DaNella says i would get lost in a cardboard box...(which brings up another story) anyway i usually get lost getting somewhere... last night i went with a friend to a bible study. in which i ran out of gas... so i finally found a gas station my friend was like "Hey you got it from here?" Yeah sure i said... just go straight till i see the cvs...
anyway little did i know that gas station was a gas station from a horror movie...
spiders were crawling everywhere!!! it was almost abandoned... and i had this feeling like what the heck am i doing here? SO i called my Lee. ( poor lee he always gets a random phone call in the middle of the night about some crisis im having...)
"Lee" i say ... " im at a haunted gas station and just in case some guy with a chain saw comes out from behind the store i need you to be on the phone so you can know where i am to identify they body..." of course he oblidges...
so i brush away the spiders and webs to slide in my card. (thankfully they werent moths) and i carry on my way...
UNFORTUNATLY...
i had no idea where i was...
yeah
and lee of course cant help cause he is well... not it alabama...
so i start driving...
i pass what i assume now is the road i should have taken
trying to re calcutale my steps... backwards...

if i turned right at the invisible non invisible stop sign drove a longs ways, and left at the visible stop sign... turn right at the light went over the crazy bridge turned left into cvs...

but somehow ended up right at the invisible non invisible stop sign which ill now be turning left at go a long ways...backwards... no wait... visible stop sign is left... or right? i dont see a bridge?!?!!?

so i missed my turn...

and kept driving lee told me to turn around but i think i would get more lost...
so i kept going straight...

Maybe ill recognize something?!?!!?

lee just laughed at me knowing that i was totally and utterly lost...

somehow i ended up behind some plant...
in which lee is yelling turn around...
i was like come on how many plants are there in alabama? seriously...

lo and behold...



i came out at some discount gas station five min from my house...

oh yeah...
the complete oposite side of where i was supposed to be...

sooooo.....

moral of the story...
dont drive with me...



and though i may not know where the roads lead me to and i do not know how to get somewhere God is watching out for me and will make sure i get home ok...

hold

standing on this ledge
looking to the ground
i take in all the sights
im seeing all around
how did i ever get here
upon this edge so high
if i go any higher
im sure ill touch the sky
so here the question lies
do i jump? do i go back?
how far will i go this time?
how far am i loosing track?
the rocks crumble beneath my feet
my knees begin to shake
i am not sure of what to do
what decision i will make
but i need, i need a hand to hold
to get me through this one
the weight im feeling now
feels like a thousand tons
my body's inching closer
my spirit stays away
i dont know if i can make it
through just one more day
the wind is blowing through me
it seems so simple here
sometimes these things are beautiful
wiping away a tear
can any body hear me?
when im so far away
give me one good reason
on why i need to stay
i feel as if a tug of war
is going on in me
part of me to fall straight down
as i fall to my knees
i feel as though my hand is held
though no body is there
this fight is never ending
how much can i bear?
but do i continue on with life?
a true fight no body knows
or end it all right here right now...


all right...


here goes.......

cows go moo... baby cows go waaaaa... sams go WHAT?!?!?!

sooo... as i was driving to church yesterday i looked into a field where there were several baby cows... i was like awww how cute! when i noticed a fairly large cow... i was then thinking wow. thats a very large cow...

then it started to give birth...

no lie...


i was a little confused... and slightly shocked... just thought you should know...

Rapunzel is my cousin...

let me tell you about hair... my hair... some time ago my like BFF in the whole world... LEE!!! well we decided to make a bet to see who could go the longest without cutting our hair... little did we know that both of us are ridiculously stubborn... you people dont understand... this january we would have gone one year without cutting our hair... ONE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!



THEN...........








AND NOW

where i lay my head is home...

let me tell you about my family...
i have the most amazing family. They consist of amazing people. The best adoptive family LIKE EVER!!!
Lets start...
Q. just a letter... thats all he get his amazinness cannot be contained in a name so he gets a letter... ( Q is the main ninja in this house)
D or DaNella. (also known as DeJanae...) HA is the coolest mom in the history of moms... she is author pastors wife stay at home mom and student... D... you rock my socks...
MY SIBLINGS...
Matt --is annoying but so much fun to pick on... like wow... Matt dear you have met your match
Nana aka ANYA -- atway evera ouya oda ontda ookla upa etha eaningma ota anyaa LOL sorry anya is amazing she loves animals and they love her. She too rocks my socks...
Tym doesnt eat anything and is constantly in need of stealing the arm off of me...
Annie... a little princess with attitude... she is cute and sassy...she is my ROCK STAR!!!

that is my amazing family... thats all for now!!!

just so i can say...

just so i can say that i posted a blog i am posting this blog...
about posting blogs...

so here it is...
my blog..

about blogs...

amazing...