who needs sleep when you have blogs?

sigh... its late. i got to work at 12 to pick up my check. it wasnt there. fed ex dropped off papers and forgot to drop off our checks. so i couldnt cash it. i was going to cash it then buy lunch. its usually what i do on paydays. so being i didnt have it i was like oh its ok i have some money left from tips. i looked in my hiding place for money in my car... oh yeah... i left my money at home. sooo... i wasnt going to sit at work for two hours waiting for my paycheck. i still havent had anything to eat yet. so i drove all they way back home. got money went ate lunch. drove back to work and clocked in. curley fries didnt feel good and wanted to go home early. i told my shift that there was ABSOLUTLY no way i was going home early. i have bills i have to pay... sorry. so curley went home early and i worked his shift... oh yeah that means working from 2 till 11 45. its about nine hours. i mean its not so bad... but all day people are like judging me for different things. like this guy i work with is mad that i wont watch movies he wants to watch but ill watch movies his brother wants me to watch. its because his brother knows my standards. he knows what ill watch and what i wont. and im a horrible person because i wont watch movies about pedophiles...right? whatever. so im like hey... im sorry if my priorities are bigger than yours. that i care more about what goes in than you. whatever. and then i get home and i have an email about the same thing. like why? whats wrong with you that you dont watch rated R movies? can you not watch it for its artistic elements? i can. believe me i can. but i choose not to. i choose to be a better role model for these kids. is no one proud of me? can no one say look. i dont agree with what you are doing because GOD IS NOT A PRIORITY IN MY LIFE. but i am proud you are standing up for what you believe? Look i never said this was going to be easy and iknow God wont give us more than we can handle. but seriously. you think some people would just chill out and shut up?
UGH! and on top of this... its now one am. im still awake. dreading sleep...AGAIN.
stupid nightmares. i get stressed when im awake and now my nightmares are back. hey at least i didnt die in this on right? i mean totally being abandoned and almost killed isnt that bad right? whatever... ill get over it...

im attempting sleep now...

just some ranting ignore this blog...

ok so... im just ranting and raving. so ignore this ok? ok...
i work. i work at starbucks supposedly full time. however we are over in labor meaning over in workers. so people are getting sent home. i preclose. so i came in earlier than the others so i get to go home first. i get to go home early. and i mean really early. i was supposed to get off at 10 and left at 6 30. hey i get off early right? why am i complaining. ok here we go.
so i was talking to two people at work one said they only work to pay off their car. thats it. other than that they wouldnt work. they dont pay rent or whatever. the other one says their parents wont let them leave home untill they can show they can support themself. wow right? oh yeah the first is 21 the second 23. 23!!! my gosh! i was paying rent at 15. i was paying to sleep on a couch that the dog drooled slept and peed on! and they arent allowed to leave home? so me getting sent home early... i have bills i have to pay. my own car my car insurance my rent. i buy most of my own food. Dont get me wrong i love living here. i am 20 and i guess you can say im living at home. but mine are slightly different circumstances. my mother stole from me, not to mention the three hundred i gave her every paycheck. i mean i have no money. and by now im scraping by and still losing hours at work! its just frustrating. i see all these people getting everything they want. like they dont have anything hard in their life. why do bad things happen to good people? i dont know. i mean im not worried God will provide. He will make things work. its just hard when I myself dont know whats going on. or whats going to happen. it will all work out its just a little stressful. but ill be ok. ill make it through. im not asking for it to be easy... ok well maybe a little easier. i know God has plans for me. and i know they are big and i know that i have to go through the fire to be well done. but sometimes i wish the heat was turned down just a little...
thats all. just ranting...

a challenge for you...

ok so i did it. and i challenge you to do it too.


ive just started as Youth pastor and childrens pastor at Shelby Christian Fellowship in Alabama.


i decided that what i do the kids will want to push further.

and i need to watch what i say and do for our youths sake.


so all my movies rated R and PG 13
everything with profanity i got rid of. all of it.


it sucks a little.
because they are just movies right?
i mean just cause its in there i wont do it right?

WRONG.

what we put in our bodies comes out.


if we listen to movies or music with profanity we become more acustomed to saying it.


so yes. i got rid of it all. and if you know me you know that silence of the lambs is the ultimate favorite of all my movies.


its gone.


part of me misses it and part is glad that i am cleaning my spirit to be more open to what God wants from me.




so my challenge to you is this.


if you have movies or music or anything you know is preventing your intimate relationship with God i challenge you to get rid of it.

see the difference in your life when its gone.


and if you cant if you still have those movies or music


well it shows where your priorities lie...


let me know how it goes.

late night poetry...

late night poetry


Dear God,
i know you want to hold me.
i know you want to be there
yet i cant help fight these hands holding on
yet you still seem to care.
and though i try and turn from you
you hold on tighter now
i try to run away from it all
still you press on but how?
im so afraid of whats to come
of my future and my past
you are so strong still holding me
yet i feel i still wont last
still i yearn to break away
from all i know is right
im so lost alone out here
the world cold as black twilight
so cruel they all are to me
does no one understand
i break away from it all
and still i feel your hand
how worthless do i feel my God
yet you are always here
you still hold onto me dearly
and wipe away my tear.
i feel i am not worthy
of the love you offer me
and still your mighty hands
are holding onto me...

worship questions...

alright kids. you people who read this. i need your help.
i need you to tell me different ways you worship our Rockin' God.
anything you do.
there are no wrong answers
im just writing an sermon on worship and i would like to know what you all do.
thanks a latte.

God bless...

sam

friends...

so im trying to figure things out.
ive been getting hints from God these past few weeks about friends. i just dont know what the hints are leading to. i dont know if its about trust because i dont trust many in the first place. i dont know if its about love because i dont know how to expirience for i feel as if ive never been shown love. i fear that i pick people as friends because i know at some point i will or they will abandon me. and because i am so acustomed to this i continue to follow this path. my best friend was supposed to visit me and is not able to. and i fear that he never will visit me. i am just not a big enough priority in his life. so then i think about priority. which i will get to later. but that being said. this is supposed to be my best friend and i fear that we are drifting further and further apart. who am i to talk to? and on top of that there is this long story about something that happend with an employee at work and my other friend at work i feel is avoiding me. i feel so alone in this world at times. and its frustrating because i know God is trying to tell me something but i cant seem to figure it out. leading to the next topic. priorities. in our lives we put so many things in front of God. work... play... friends... family... everything.
when the one thing we need more than life is God. and how are we to stay devoted to him with other things as our priority? i do miss my friend dearly. and i say i feel we are drawing apart because i am getting closer to God and he is not. im not saying that i am going to totally abandon him. i feel that if anyone will get him one small step closer to God it will be me. but he has been so hurt i dont know if it will happen. God is not a priority in his life. and that makes it harder on me.
we tend to go to others for our problems our friends our family stranger... alcohol drugs anything or anyone who will listen and we tend to forget that God was there the entire time with us when we were heading up to our problems. he was there in our pain he knows whats best for us. we just need to lisen...

just a thought...