i need sleep but not that bad...

so its one thirty in the morning and i have to be up early for church tomorrow but well... i just cant sleep so what do i do? blog...
sometimes i fear these feelings will never go away. that this lingering depression will haunt me in the back of my mind forever. some days are good. some not so much. but this depression is always there. and not even depression. all sorts of feelings that i know i shouldnt be feeling. and i cant help but feel them. i mean i cant stop my brain from feeling this. or thinking these thoughts. the only thing i can do is try to get distracted by something else. push these thoughts away. but though i push them away for the time being they still arise. if not stronger. and they do it ive come to realize when i cant defend my mind from myself. in my sleep. its been good for a week. no nightmares. but when i close my eyes the images are still there. these demons. trying to get me. why are so many trying to get me? these dreams of death. and murder. even my happy dreams have a mention of death somewhere lingering like the bad taste of cotton in your mouth. always there. no matter how you quench your thirst it lingers. no matter how much i try to think happy thoughts or pray. ( not in that order...) it seems as if it gets worse. i had another nightmare the other night ( oh ok... i take it back i have had a nightmare this week) but i was so thankful for this nightmare. ( how odd does that sound?) side note... i am horribley ridiculously absoulutly TERRIFIED PETRIFIED MORTIFED scared of caterpillars. im not kidding... dont laugh at me... i dreamt that i was covered in caterpillars cockroaches and other bugs. crawling all over me. ( i also have this bad thing with having the feeling of insects crawling on my its a long story summed up it makes me feel crazy... whatever.) so number one there are caterpillars and number two i am having these bugs crawl on me. so naturally im freaking out. i woke up shaking couldnt breathe. smacking myself all over ( trying to get imaginary insects off of me) and realized how happy i was that i didnt die. one of the first dreams in a very long time with no death. ( just forget about how i couldnt breathe when i woke up lol not that important...) but still... its horrible. and again im at a lose for words at what to do in this dilema...
anyone? help?